Mommy Musings

Mommy Musings Monday-The Talk

May 23, 2016
Lilmissbelle-The talk

My daughter Xena has a new friend in school. His name is Seka. Not sure if that’s the spelling but that’s how the name is pronounced. Over the holiday’s, there’s something that seemed to really weigh heavily on her mind and she told everyone in the house about it, anyone who cared to listen.

See last term, her best friend was Daniel. I knew she was really fond of this Daniel boy because a day did not pass without her mentioning his name. Whenever I asked her about School, she would always tell me how she played in the sand with Daniel, or how she shared her Oreos with Daniel. Daniel this, Daniel that. It got to a point whenever we offended her, she would threaten us with Daniel. “I will tell on you to Daniel”, She would say.

There’s once her teacher told me about how over a certain period of time, Xena got into trouble quite often and that she found herself having to put her in the naughty corner frequently.

“How so?”, I asked.

“Given her extremely smart nature, Xena sometimes gets her assignments done quite fast and then uses the remainder of her time to distract the other kids.” She said. A true testament to the phrase the fruit does not fall far from the tree!

“And does she do this alone or does she gang up with other kids to distract the ‘slow’ ones?” I inquired further.

“I would say your daughter has very strong leadership qualities and tends to effortlessly get other kids to listen to her. So yes, sometimes she gets into trouble together with a few other kids.” She explained to me, choosing her words very carefully! She also advised me not be hard on her as she wouldn’t want us interfering with her already high self-esteem and confidence. When I asked her to name the other troublesome kids, your guess is as good as mine. Daniel was one of them.

Daniel was mischievous but undoubtedly the coolest kid in class. At least in Xena’s eyes.

So here’s the worrying bit. Just before the Easter holidays, Xena told me that Daniel had told her that she was no longer his friend. The first time she said it, I did not pay much attention to her because she was unmoved and was probably just saying it to make conversation about school. You know how we sometimes press them hard to tell us about school, and so the make up stuff?

A day or two later, I overheard her telling the nannies and it really cracked them up. The next day she told the dad who also found it hilarious, and then she told me once again while I was reading her a bedtime story. And that’s when I realized that calm as she may have appeared, this issue weighed heavily on her mind. She did not need to cry a river or lock herself in her room. The fact that she talked about it over and over again to anyone who cared to listen meant that she really liked this kid and he had seriously hurt her feelings.

At that point, I actually got very concerned, and petrified too. I had never imagined that I would have to deal with my daughter’s boy drama at the age of three and a half!

So I asked her to mention the names of her other classmates.

“Trevor, Toria, Kigen, Munga, Hawi, Shiru, Mahi,..” She said without hesitating. I asked he if she enjoys playing with them and she nodded enthusiastically. I then told her that when she got back to school after the holidays, she was to inform Daniel that everyone else in class was her friend and that it was about time he joined the bandwagon!

Not sure how that turned out but what I know with certainty is that she now has a new friend. Seka. She moves on so fast this one! I don’t know where she got that trait from hehe. We haven’t had any mention about Daniel and honestly, I am afraid to ask. I don’t want to open a can of worms.

“Mama you know, today Trevor was sent to the store because he refused to sit down in class, and then Seka and I laughed at him” or “Papa you are being mean to me. I will tell on you to Seka”

We are now back to the same script, only this time with a different cast. Seka features in all her escapades in school. He is her new partner in crime, her confidant, her friend.

Midterm is around the corner, and I just hope that as schools come to a break, she will not be telling another familiar story, about how Seka abandoned their friendship. I really hope this Seka boy is a gentleman.

But on a serious note, this has taught me to pay attention to every little statement that my daughter makes, now that she has become quite vocal. She needs to know that she can trust me to listen and help her solve her problems, minor as some of them may be. God knows i need a lot of patience and wisdom for this!

It has also made me realize how fast kids grow and that in no time, I will be forced to have very serious conversations with my daughter. Honestly, it spooks me out as I am not ready for that.

How soon should parents start engaging their kids in conversations about sexuality and how do we go about it?

Please remember to subscribe to our blog, leave a comment below with your thoughts and have an eye-opening week!

Joy D’Souza.



15 Comments

Jay

WooooHoooo! The segment did not stop.

Xena is so you and you know it. luckily she has strong traits that she influences and does not get influenced easily. #pro&con situation.
About boy drama, well I would not know a thing. Never talked about it, at least knowingly, but take care what you laugh at sometimes with Xena, your reaction shall determine how much she engages you in time to come.
Good thing she is not so mushy like someone here,me.

    Lil'missbelle

    I know I need to start treating her like an adult and not trivialize her issues. This transition is quite a task for me though! I still remember her saying yabbit and yawas. Why do they grow up so fast though?
    And the segment is as random as my Fridays of late! Working on something interesting though, fear not 🙂

#thebigvoice

So early indeed for the boy girl drama ….though i cant easily remember when i started mine..
let Xena know am also her friend and it also hurts when she tells me ” uncle Neja am not your friend ”
CHEERS

    Lil'missbelle

    Xena can easily kill one’s self esteem, unknowingly! It kills me when she tells me that she will not come home from school because I made her sad..you would think I am giving her a life she would not dream of walking away from but nooooo

Shelmith Ng'ang'a

Wow Very interesting story.
I love how confident xena is! Wow
#muthoni’s
#somethinguniqueaboutmuthoni’s.
I love the Way Joy You Handling Her

Terry

Very interesting piece Joy… When you open up communication with Xena now, talking about those issues will not be a problem when the time comes. Nice read!

Gladys Makau

An interesting piece this is! It reminds me of those years but unlike Xena,I’d always have him back(we’re dating),,,haha.You need to keep these memories,you’ll need them when she’s all grown..My mom keeps on retelling them all the time,,,

sheyce

…heheheheh Joy You got yourself a mini you(I can tell from “the apple does not fall far from the tree) ..???? heheheh…this is where u take sometime to flashback on how your mother dealt with you..hehehehe..
.
..really nice piece ,this kids are growing up too fast…Biko Zulu had a post about some boy in Tams life and it was too hilarious …hehehehe..I can only imagine Mr D’Souza’s face and reaction ..hehehehe
.
..blessed week ahead ,mommy musings never disappoints

Mama Iv

Awww … somehow God will give you the grace. The mention of ‘so and so is not my friend’ is soo common in kids. Personally I am told ‘I am not your friend’ at least 10 times in a day. Everytime I am tough on my little one, she tells me, ‘ I am not your friend’ hehehe. I juat affirm that I am her friend but she still has to do as I ask. On sexuality, it is conversation we must have at one point. One time, she saw a boy pee( you know the way some can just decide to help themselves out there). She came to ask about it and we had to explain. Very timely because our second born is a boy and it gave us the forum to explain why he will also be different when she comes to help with diaper changes.



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