Inspiration, Mommy Musings

Loving Your Children To Greatness

February 1, 2017
Lilmissbelle-Love

“Your daughter is a bright, humorous, lively, energetic, confident and social child. She interacts well with her classmates and displays leadership qualities. She is able to work on her own initiative. However, she can be much too chatty if not carefully watched.” This was the parting shot in Xena’s end of term report last year, word for word. That last statement distressed me and I wished her teacher could just shoot straight. I think she meant to say that Xena can be unruly but was being polite about it. She’s my daughter after all, and I understand her ability to bring out the C in chaos too well!

Parenting. We turn up for this job unprepared.  There’s no masterclass, neither is there a manual. The moment that scrawny and squished pale looking newborn is placed in your arms, you are in the deep end. No life jacket or floaters. You are smack in the thick of things, 18 feet deep with no prior swimming classes. Not even the advice from your experienced parents or your own experience growing up can fully prepare you to be a parent. You just have to figure it out as you ride the waves.

Which brings me to this month’s series. If you are reading this and you are a parent (even the absentee ones and those with kids scattered all over are welcome to share hehe) , what do you struggle with the most? And those aspiring to be parents someday, what fears do you harbor? For me, as a parent to a very adventurous, quick witted and perceptive toddler and a 1.4-year-old who is catching on quite fast, I worry about getting the balance between loving my child and enforcing discipline right. Being the disciplinarian in our house, I often feel that I am too harsh on the kids and fear that as they grow older, they might not trust me enough to let me in on their lives for fear of reprisal. The mister fears that my tough stance will kill their self-esteem.

Also, I wish to be able to identify any talents my kids may possess early enough so that I can nurture them. Problem with Xena, the four-year-old, she wants to participate in everything. From ballet, to jewelry arts, to tennis, football, swimming, music with teacher Tony and monkeynastixs- so I can’t quite figure out what exactly is her niche! While it’s ok for her to take up all the extra curriculum activities, they place quite a strain on the wallet and I also don’t want her to be a jack of all trades. If only she could just pick one and run with it to stardom.

Love and discipline. Raising stars. Dealing with special needs kids. How do parents do it?

This month, I have the honor of featuring  parents who are bringing up phenomenal kids. Every Monday we will read about the joys and struggles of parenting and how to strike a balance between love and discipline from different parents’ perspectives. We will also feature some parents who are raising stars in various fields and get their insights into what it takes. I sure would love to know that!

See you here on Monday for Alfred Gachaga’s story-Father of two phenomenal golfers aged 17 and 12, the older one having ranked third best in the US Kids international golf tournament held in North Carolina, America last year.

Also, look out for narratives on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter every Tuesday and Thursday from various parents on how their upbringing has influenced their parenting style.

We are entrusted with the task of shaping the lives of real people, with all their potential to do good or harm. But are we doing our best?

Joy.

Dressed in the Dorris & Morris collection from www.alladin.co.ke

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10 Comments

Faith Kaimba

Joy, I have read both pieces of parenting. You have just put it as it is and I have learnt alot. Will be using quite many of the tips from them. To be sincere, disciplining my children has always been the worst nightmare. One time I will decide to talk esp for my 9yr old dota and things just get out hand and I find myself doing what I hate. Am actually tired of beating my 5yr old son Aaron who feels like a giant in the jungle as small as he is…..he can reduce a child or even an adult to nothing by his words. Take no maombi. Now to my 10month baby Musa so adorable but lately he has started pinching the siblings esp his bro Aaron and screaming and throwing tantrums….Am lost forever words. My rule has always been though…. ‘Samaki mkunje angali mbichi’…
Will be watching out for other reads coz I really need them. Look for those with troublesome kids too.

    Lil'missbelle

    You have cracked me up so hard!!!! Ati Musa does what again?? That harmless boy that I held in my arms a few months ago?? How time flies! I believe most parents struggle with disciplining their kids so lets hope some of the features will clearly address that. Thanks for reading Faith.

Tote

This is such an authentic piece! As a mommy (by extension) to a 3 month old baby boy (Don’t laugh!!), I already have these questions…and I’m not the biological mother! Eeeek!! I’ll be keenly following this series-none of us have been here and to get wisdom from you and others who are/have raised gifted children will be priceless!!

    Lil'missbelle

    Awwwhhh mummy by extension!I love that 🙂
    Parenthood is a continuous learning process and since none of us was trained for the job, we can only exchange notes and help each other based on our learning through experience.

Mush

Joy you have no idea how just in time this series is. My son just turned 1 and he is developing some habits that need to be put in check. My worst fear is to discipline him how our parents did it back then
as it caused a major rift in our relationship……I’ll be waiting to read your posts.

    Lil'missbelle

    I am curious to know Mercy how your parent’s disciplining tactics caused a rift in your relationship? Maybe you could share more of this. Given that I tend to be heavy on discipline, my daughter sometimes says stuff like she loves the dad and not me because I punish her, and that breaks my heart but it doesn’t stop me from being tough.

Muthoni shelmith

I really Dnt have a kid but I must comment
My biggest fear is how do I even start about discipline?? the way I have a soft spot for kids.oh my

Xena looks gorgeous,beautiful as always..And the last pic she took her mummy’s smile.
Every Monday I’ll be waiting to see your post cheers. 👌…

Mama Ivanna

This is an awesome series… and right on time, I have a teacher -parent conference on Friday and received my daughter’s report for discussion then. My 4 yr old is loud and outgoing but experiences a meltdown when she has to make a presentation in front of parents (which happens every term). I hope I can get some pointers on how to overcome her stage fright and build her confidence.



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