Ban Valentine’s Day
There’s something refreshing about gifts. The fact that someone thought of me and went out of their way to get me a gift, which hopefully they put some thought into, elicits intense gratification and delight in me. According to Garry Chapman, there are five languages of love. Receiving gifts, spending quality time, physical touch, acts of service and words of affirmation. Now all those seem equally important, right? But the degree of importance varies from person to person. My desire for gifts is so bad so much so I would allocate 50% to receiving gifts and the remaining four languages can happily share the other 50%, probably not in equal measure though. It is important to understand you partner’s language of love otherwise you will be in the dog house like I am currently.
Yesterday, the mister delivered flowers to my office. He did not send the flower people, or a rider. He took time off his busy schedule to drive to my office and give them to me. First, I was in shock because I doubt I have ever received flowers from him (or any one else for that matter). He is just not a flower kind of person. And gifting is really not his language of love. When he gives, he gives big time. And then you sort of have to amortize that gift for a period of 12 months (or more) until he unleashes the next big thing.
I was excited for about a minute but then I started to worry. He did not have any gift bag with him. Still, I kept my hopes up. I looked at his hands severally hoping that he was holding something else in them. The right one that was previously holding the flowers was obviously empty, and the other one was thrusted in his pocket. I hoped that he would retrieve it and hand me a tiny box or even an envelope with a voucher (clearly I don’t only dream at night hehe) . Forget about a box, I don’t care much about presentation. I imagined he would unclench his fist and upend something scintillating in my hand. But then he said he had to dash back to the office, pulled out his hand (which was empty) and gave me a hug. I peered over his shoulders hoping to see an entourage that he had probably instructed to wait outside, and deliver the big surprise just when I had lost all hope. Nothing. We said our goodbyes and I watched him leave as I struggled to balance tears.
In the evening when he got home, I handed him and the kids their gifts (cologne for him, perfume for Xena and a toy for Xia) which had been meticulously wrapped. I sat back and watched them unwrap their presents and I was thrilled to see all of them so genuinely excited. Then I took that opportune time to explain my disappointment in the fact that the flowers were not accompanied by anything else and how I wished that he put more thought into his gifts. Bad decision Joy, bad. Have you ever wished you could swallow your words, like Jim Carey in Liar Liar? As soon as I said it, it hit me that he exerts himself so much and being disappointed over his choice of gift on Valentine’s Day was something so stupid, even Xena would understand that it’s stupid.
Evening ruined, dinner in silence and lots of begging that fell on deaf ears. Next time I will run my thoughts and opinions by someone else before attacking the mister with them because clearly I tend to lose my marbles sometimes. Better yet, I will completely eliminate Valentine’s day from my calendar of events!
[…] after that was uglier than the scenes on Nairobi Diaries. I narrated the ordeal in the story Ban Valentine’s Day incase you have no clue what I am on […]
Now you know….no more high expectations.
You should be very grateful that he went out of his way to deliver the flowers personally.
The little things and thoughts count too…
WAAAAAAR!! As in I thought I was alone.
This gifting thing will never end… I love gifts even if it a simple statement pair of earrings.
Dog house here I come in a couple of years. Though why must we be the ones to suffer in silence? Can’t we just learn how our partners’ love language? less hustle and happy life.
PS: why is it so hard to just keep our thoughts to ourselves? Like, “Hello miss, just let it slide”, NOOOOO! That inner voice of vocal woman must be heard above all others.
He couldn’t even get you chocolates ata? lol. I am totally not a flowers person unless they’re in the garden where they can bloom. Out of water they can only last 2 days max so you’re totally justified to be disappointed; i would be too. Anyway everyday is Valentines day so much love to you two and your curly haired cuties.
Imagine that! Hehe
Love and light to you and yours to Lolo 🙂
Hahaha in my household we resolved to writing Mokeirah Cheques??but oh the fights we have had before we got here???
Glad you figured out how to handle this tiny winy issue that can cause such a storm!
You are funny, like really funny. And refreshingly candid. I love your blog especially now that I just became a mom.
Glad that you enjoy being here, Ciru. Thank you for your comment. I will try and keep the candidness and humor going (ohhh the pressure!).
Congratulations and all the best with motherhood
You really are nuts, Joy.
We (your readers) appreciate your honesty.
Hopefully the stalemate in your house ends soon.
This one will take a few novenas and God knows what else!
At the very least, he made an effort. I love your honesty & I pray he recovers from that bombshell. Probably find his language of love and apologize through it.
Good idea Nafula-find his language of love and apologize through it. That’s my assignment for today. Thanks.
Haha, sometimes I read your blog and wonder if really we are not twins separated at birth. I did that once. I’m a gift person and quality time. I remember on several occasions, I have been disappointment in the gifts I have received or lack thereof and there are many times I have communicated this in probably the same way you did and the night ended up the same way. I learned to give without expectations. To love with qualifying and to understand the various ways your partner communicates love. Now I get pleasantly surprised and genuinely appreciative of even… Read more »
Glad that you feel me Caroline! This gift obsession is so bad and it mostly clouds me from seeing every other good deed. I will check out your book. Thanks for reading 🙂